A Prayer for Guidance

Frustration, Anger, Torment, Lack of Faith

Makes me want to run, want to escape.

Should I uproot, take off and leave?

Would that be my solution, my reprieve?

Emptiness continues to close in on me here.

Everyone is leaving and I’ll be alone… I fear.

I thought, “Well I have my future,” but…

There’s no opportunity, the doors seem to shut.

Lord, what is this path you have me trek upon?

Where does it lead, this journey I’m on?

I can’t go south, for the past holds nothing for me.

I can’t go West, for I’d crash into the sea.

East is not an option if I want a livelihood.

Perhaps north would be good?

Or am I to stay put, just where I’m at?

Conquer the unrest, put on your armor for combat!

Lord, guide me to which path to take for my family.

How should I live so that I may glorify Thee?

I shall humbly await for a sign from above.

To show me The Way… of Your endless love.

Amen.

The Mourning Doves

Contrary to the name, the mourning dove- or “turtle doves” as the Christmas carolers call them- represent hope, peace and renewal when one is faced with loss. During a struggle today, I fervently prayed God send me a sign as to why He wants me to keep a faith in “that which the world tells me is impossible.” As I looked up from my praying position, I immediately spotted two mourning doves resting and tending to their feathers on the fence post at the back of the yard. Their presence actually startled me for a moment. I didn’t know what they meant at the time, but I knew with certainty that God was speaking to me through these spirit animals.

Through the doves, He said, “Despite your sorrow and the torment this process brings, trust in Me. Have peace in that I care for you and have a plan for you. Keep that hope and faith in things unseen.”

Amen.

Gratitude

Each morning- before the stuffy heat- before the race of the day

When the breeze still delivers its good morning kiss, I sit and pray

But not before making room for my anxious-to-cuddle pet

Wrapped in a throw over quilt made with love for a WWII vet

Cuddling by my open window- enjoying the many diverse leaves

As they dance in the sunlight taunting the hummingbirds and bees

Sipping French pressed “coffee w/ soy” that opens my sleepy eyes

So that I may see the captivating blue of the cloudless skies

A caw aw aw of a crow, the cascading of water on rocks,

The rustle of leaves and dogs I hear barking for blocks

This is the time I attune- to my dreams and daily goals

To letting go of the old self for whom the bell tolls

I am grateful for this quiet time every day

To meditate, center myself, and pray

Thank you Lord.

The Prayer

Unsettled. Wondering what for? This life is wasted on gaining love when all I should be doing is giving it.

The calling of service to others continues to beckon… but how God? When and where? Do I give it all up and let the road open up for a servant and her three bairns? For nothing – no one – holds me to this place. I am always home when you are with me.

Yet they are held… So I am tethered. An approval he’d be quick to deny.

“Lord lead me away,” I beg. A woman commanded not to lead but yet… Who will? Not yet have I met a man strong enough to lead- to hold my hand as we walk together- him a few steps ahead. Together… Ministering to the world of Your Great Love.

“Lord lead me away… So I may prepare a place.” Will it be enough? Will I be enough? Will pride linger in Your eyes for Your faithful child?

If I’m not making a big impression upon humanity with my simple humble existence, will I serve my purpose?

“Lead me to perform miracles in your name.” Give me wisdom to make the big decisions as I continue to wait for he-who-is-in-your-plan.

“Lord I pray… Have mercy on my soul when I lie down to take my last breath.” Brother, tell the father: She tried to serve but knew not how… For her mind was on love. Her heart ached for the outflow of love. Her soul died when she found love no more on this Earth.

“Father I wait on bended knees… Hands raised to praise your name… Show me the next step.”

I humbly await your direction.

The Prayer: Part 2

I went to battle. I called upon God to consider my heart. With my prayer in mind, I requested guidance. I opened the Bible… First seeing some notes on Romans 6 and 7… A favorite for sure when considering, “What’s next?” But then it fell open to Matthew 3-7… The story of John the Baptist and how he prepared the way for his cousin: Christ. Then Christ’s baptism where the dove comes to baptize him of the spirit along with water. I remember “the high” I got after I went under the river and returned anew. It spoke on how he overcame temptation in the wilderness. Warning me too not to tempt God but to trust his plans. I skipped to 5:13… The biblical mother of this website. We are the salt of the earth. I fear… Have I lost my savor? Should I be cast out under foot? I am reminded of also being the light. Let my light shine before men. Christ fulfills all… I shine because He is in me. I skip forward again… Reciting the Lord’s Prayer… Not as written but as it is meant to be recited. With Sincerity. Fervor. In my war room. God is all powerful. And so I am brought then to “The Lilies.” My tattoo… A reminder not to worry… I am given all my needs in abundance. I pray again… Throughout. Lord you know my heart. Must I choose between love and service? Can I “have it all?” Then I notice… Dancing in mid-air. My sign. My moment’s spirit guide: The spider. Lord… Whatever her meaning… That will be my answer. So I google her. The Spider: Creative expression. She attaches her desires to nature and creates a magical display for all to see (as one site put it). She is like a dream weaver catching all that her heart wants. It was a beautiful way for God to confirm that He hasn’t forgotten me. He wants me to have the desires of my heart… But not just small dreams. This web spanned the whole yard from what appeared to be roof to fence post. My extraordinary… Thank you Lord.

Now… The question remains… What are my next steps of service? 🙂