My Treatment Plan

I’ll never stop fighting to find my joy, but I have learned the value of feeling for healing. Here’s the process that has worked for me:

When your heart wants to break, let it! Let go. Feel all of it. The heavy and simultaneous empty. Feel it ripping apart your insides. Cry. Wale. Carry on like a child (but preferably in your war room closet so the kids don’t worry: But if they do, they learn compassion). Tear apart the invisible cord extending from your chest straight down through your solar plexus. Rage. Love. Hate. Reminisce. Overthink, overanalyze, change your mind, change it again because it needs to be done. Go down into the dark well- for you know your rope it tethered to God. And when you have sufficiently exhausted your soul, thank the Lord for holding that space for you. Take a nap. Wake up and when the pain creeps back on like a wave crashing on your heart, let it! Let your eyes well up. Exhale bursts of sadness. Breathe in divine love. Look around. Thank God for the multitude of blessings in your life. Allow yourself to be overcome by the loneliness of not sharing your blessings with a lover. Walk around in a daze. Lost in empty thoughts. Then be distracted by someone else’s drama. Hulu and Netflix are great helpers for this step. Hold your children. Kiss their forehead and know how much love you get and have to give! Think of the times you were joyful. How do you get back there? Breathe. Deeply. Into the belly, filling it like a balloon. Exhale the doubt that says you don’t have a purpose. Be your joy. Make a conscious choice to get back up. This is the crucial point… do you take back your joy or do you let misery win? Let it all go. All of it. You are made new! You have a purpose and someone out there will receive you! When we trust in the Father, we have hope. Hold that hope. Love always fucking wins!

Get some rest. Tomorrow will be a brand new morning.

We Can’t Be “Just Friends”

It’s always the same… You love other women and my love must be tame. I thought that if I were a better friend and promised to be there ’til the end, that you’d see me in a new light. But I’m tired of feeling “not good enough,” I’m tired of this fight. You never got to know that part of me, you never let me in. You saw the hurt and restrained me ’cause you pushed me away and could never begin past “friend.”

My love was deep because I saw the real you, I just wish you could have openly loved me too. It’s not my regret but it is my fault that you locked me out of your erotic vault. I went from lover to friend to therapist but I know you felt our connection when we kissed. It cut like a knife when you said “she’s worth the effort” and that her free-spirit reminds you of me… I cannot bear how those words filled my soul with jealousy. I want to hold your hand and meet your tribe! Being around you makes the world seem so alive! I want to love and freely show my affection but without those mighty walls of protection. We’d become so close and gotten through a lot of crappy stuff but being “just friends” with you is not enough. I don’t want you to choose… her or me. I can see that together you two are happy! I’m delighted that you have found someone who makes you recognize that you are whole. You deserve love without my presence taking a toll. I also want to protect my heart, so out of respect, we must part.

I’m a sensual woman who deserves love in return, where two stoke the fire for the flame to burn. I don’t want to wait for you anymore, I don’t want to cry. So without a word I say “goodbye.”

Random Memories

Every so often I think of this man I once knew. I met him at a party. Well actually his party since he was the host. As with all parties, I helped in the kitchen to avoid socializing in large crowds. It was my job to prepare and pass out the Jello shots. There were lots of friends there and we all had a really great time!

But late in the evening- when everyone else was passing out and just a few people could get intimate in their dialogue… (my favorite part of a party)… I found that him and I were alone with the opportunity to discuss life and love… (my favorite but very general topics). Our conversation surprised me or I should say “stuck with me” in a strange way. This man, Dan… the sociable host and I connected on a very deep level. He told me how much of a struggle it was living without his daughter after the divorce with his wife and how hard she made it for him to see the sweet little “love of his life.” He was kind, but in so much pain! We chatted a few times on the phone after that but then I started overthinking, “I’m only 21, he’s 40-something. I shouldn’t lead him on because when it comes down to it, I cannot date someone that much older!” I felt like he had been giving the vibe that he wanted more than I could give, so I made a polite excuse not to hang out with him. I didn’t hear from him again after that. It made me sad, but I figured it was just the ways of dating.

Several years later in talking with an old friend, it came to my attention that shortly after that time, he blew his brains out with a gun. I know that it had nothing to do with me. I know that it had to have been about the hopelessness in not seeing his little girl. But I think, what if I had just accepted the invitation to hang out with him? What if I had just been there as a friend? What if I had just listened instead of letting my ego hinder the flow of brotherly love? What could I have done? What should I have done?

I also know that I cannot be anybody’s savior. I could not have saved him from himself and his demons. Nonetheless, I could have guided him to somebody who could have helped him through his struggles… who could help him to overcome those demons.

Now-a-days, it is so hard for me to reject people. There are people who are weird, who are homeless, who seem lost, or who seem really happy but something just doesn’t feel right… All people need our love! Because this conversation, this friendship, this moment might be exactly what they need to get through this tough time or that convinces them to step back from the ledge. You never know who’s on the brink… Ready… with their finger on the trigger.

You just never know.

1, 2, 3 They’ve All Got the Heart of Me

2. She gets excited ’cause she’s got the brilliant plan. You can see the wheels spinning as she calls out, “Follow me, man!!!” Then she scampers away in a blur only to look back and realize that no one followed her.

1. He’s got a heart of gold, always doing what he’s told… eventually. Even though I’ve got to tell him to unplug, he never fails to remember to find me for a hug.

3. She tests the boundaries with a fearless spirit. If you tell her “No,” she just won’t hear it. Her laughter, smile, and light fill the room. It’s a joyful adventure to watch her bloom.

Good and bad. Ups and downs. There’s no other bunch I could have found… who have warmed my soul right from the start and who instantly captured my heart.

Love, Mom

I love my life!

Hey, I’ve made it! I became the woman they all needed me to be. Yet the men I’ve loved aren’t sitting on the blanket by my side. This blazing fire and star-filled sky will have to settle for this lone gypsy.

But I haven’t lost hope that someday my lover will cuddle beside me… Entranced by the same dancing fire.

Listening to… Hey, Hey What Can I Do (Led Zeppelin) & Get Together (The Youngbloods)

A Prayer for Guidance

Frustration, Anger, Torment, Lack of Faith

Makes me want to run, want to escape.

Should I uproot, take off and leave?

Would that be my solution, my reprieve?

Emptiness continues to close in on me here.

Everyone is leaving and I’ll be alone… I fear.

I thought, “Well I have my future,” but…

There’s no opportunity, the doors seem to shut.

Lord, what is this path you have me trek upon?

Where does it lead, this journey I’m on?

I can’t go south, for the past holds nothing for me.

I can’t go West, for I’d crash into the sea.

East is not an option if I want a livelihood.

Perhaps north would be good?

Or am I to stay put, just where I’m at?

Conquer the unrest, put on your armor for combat!

Lord, guide me to which path to take for my family.

How should I live so that I may glorify Thee?

I shall humbly await for a sign from above.

To show me The Way… of Your endless love.

Amen.

The Mission

Not so long ago, I used to be the sea: Quick-tempered, destructive and free. But lately, the moon’s push-and-pull have waned and the waters within me have been bounded and tamed. The crashing waves cease to rise and no longer provide excitement and surprise. This once strong sea is left to be a soft glassy surface: Receding into a safe and calm harbor with a greater purpose. It’s no longer about me, me, me and my selfish desire. Now, I am subjugated to be the spiritual amplifier. So that others may heal and find peace from above. That their Higher Selves can experience a pure and perfect love.

The Love Stories

Once upon a time… that’s how these love stories are suppose to begin, right? Because, yes, this is a multi-level love story. It begins with a Father… and His Son, whose name was Michael. I can’t tell you when this tale begins, but I can tell you where… Beyond the reaches of our human curiosity and potential.

Now any parent can tell you that it is quite difficult to put to words the love they have for their child. You’d just have to see it in action. And that is exactly what happened in the beginning of our love story. Words cannot give justice to the peace, security, and joy that exuded from this Father and Son. But it was palpable to all who gazed upon them together. However, not everyone liked the exclusivity of their relationship.

There was one- Lucifer, another son, but who was not born of the Father- who felt that he should be loved as much as the biological Son and should have these bonding moments with the Father too. You see… Lucifer was the most beautiful angel whose voice could soften diamonds. His music resonated through timelessness and space to connect all of Heaven in glorifying God. Yet, he wanted his father’s adoration to be at the same level as His love for Michael. He felt that although he was not a biological son, he was still a son! He was esteemed as the highest created being, above all others, except for Michael… But it wasn’t enough. The envy and jealousy grew! He soon began his greatest song composed of his comradery with other angels in rebellion against this injustice in love. This saddened the Father and He tried to love an explanation to Lucifer, but his heart had been hardened already. His hurt had turned to anger and when he was about to lash out against his dad, his Father- with a tear streaming down to his fingertip- pointed to the gates. “I love you son, but you must go.”

But where would he go, you might wonder. What was outside those Heavenly Gates? “Be kind, Rewind” just a moment…

Michael and his Father were together, always, and one of their favorite past times was to work together to create things: Worlds to be exact. They loved each one, for each world was perfect. Now they didn’t just create and then abandon them. They maintained a close relationship which each world. They would invite the ambassadors from these worlds to Heaven for a little pow-wow of “How are things going?” It was always the same response, “Wonderful Father, Glory be Your Name!” and Lucifer’s choir would rejoice, sending vibrations of pure love throughout the multiverse. One day, Michael sighed, “Dad, I have an idea. Let’s create one more world…. But this one will be different…. Hear me out, let’s make them in Our image! It will be amazing! We’ll walk and talk with them and they will love being apart of this family. What do you say?” So they began their quest in making the most epic masterpiece of all… Earth. They worked tirelessly everyday so that each aspect would be precise and each detail would be “just right.” On the seventh day, when they were complete, they stood back and smiled. It was beautiful! Their hearts filled with pride and joy, for this world was the manifestation of their love for each other and an extension of their family.

When Lucifer perceived that their love for this new world seemed to surpass the love they had for him, it was the moment his heart finally froze and shattered into pieces.

At least two new love stories begin in this new world: The love between heaven and humanity and the love of the first twin flames. Adam and Eve were unique from other beings because of their connection with each other. In the other worlds, the beings were created separately and without a familial bond. However, she came from him: “Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.” They were a single flame living in multiple dimensions, which meant they loved unconditionally, were in union with Tao or the Great Spirit, and manifested their wants and desires. They would walk and talk daily with the Father and Michael, whose divine and unconditional love was the fuel to their flame. But the Father knew that true love came with trust and a choice. So he had tested each world with a command, if they loved him in return, they would trust him, thus follow his directive. He placed two trees in their garden. One that would give them eternal life. Another that would ban them from eternity. He told them not to go near or eat of the second tree. He did not tell them that it would separate them from Him because He wanted them to simply trust that He loved and protected them.

Michael enjoyed watching the dynamic between Adam and Eve. Adam was attentive and she would respond in kind. When they gazed into each others eyes, it was as if the world stood still and they could communicate without uttering a word. They trusted and loved each other as if the other were Oneself. Even during physical distance, they were always together in the dimensions that disallow the separation of spirit. This timeless love encompassed the whole of their garden as a warm protective light and nothing could sever their love… Or so they thought.

As the other created beings from all the worlds would visit heaven for Counsel, so too did Adam. He represented this new world and came to glorify God. Yet, during each visit, he felt uncomfortable, as if someone were glaring at him. He wasn’t just imagining it. Lucifer had his contemplative eye on that which Michael loved, plotting to pull them away from Him. He wanted to hurt Michael as much as he was hurt by His place on the right of Father. He wanted the other beings to honor him instead. But how… How could he make loyal creatures betray their Creator and follow him? He finally knew how he’d do it! He practiced first on other angels in Heaven, gaining their loyalty to follow him “when the time comes.” When he saw Adam as the representative for Earth, he knew it was his window, so he lashed out against the Father, who banished him. In Lucifer’s mind, it was the first phase of Project Prince of Earth, where he would be loved above all else!

Once he and his brigade fell to earth, they set up camp outside the boundaries of Eden. In order for his plan to work, he needed to perfect his powers on earth. Time did not exist within the garden so he wasn’t in a rush, he strove for perfection rather than progress. Lucifer was at a disadvantage because although he could manipulate energy, he could not create from nothing. So he spent millennia taking “that which was already there and living” and attempted to mold his own beings, but they never had the intellect, emotional maturity, and energetic power of that despised flame union. They couldn’t, because they weren’t created in the image of God nor did they have the pure love from His breath for their life. Lucifer even tried using angelic DNA to spark the intellect and power of the Neanderthals but he couldn’t come close to the perfection that the Father and Michael had created. When he became frustrated, he’d fly to the top of the highest mountain to contemplate his next move. He’d orchestrate a symphony from the wind as a way to clear his mind. When his song was over, he thought, “If only they had knowledge of how wonderful I am, they’d love me too.” Suddenly it dawned on him, “That’s it! Knowledge.”

Lucifer knew he had to make them aware of the whole story: The good and the bad! They knew about Heaven since Adam had travelled there for Counsel and they knew about all things in the garden… But they weren’t aware of the whole world outside their “bubble.” Adam hadn’t been to Counsel since Lucifer’s rebellion so they weren’t privy to his demise. From his perspective, God was “unjust and unfair” and the other created beings needed to know it. If he could make them see that their beloved Father didn’t love them as much as they thought he did, then they would know that he was right and worthy of their love!

So he travelled to the east where he met his brother Uriel. “I’ve come to speak with Adam, let me in Brother.” But when Uriel closed his eyes, Lucifer felt the message of God speak to his shattered heart: “My son, you have betrayed me. But I love you still. You may not walk upon the grounds of this Holy place, but there is one place that I will allow you to go: The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.” And so he changed his form to the most beautiful creature: A magnificent winged serpent with colors that dazzled in the sunlight. This would surely get the attention of Adam.

There came a time when Adam was naming the animals. As the steward of the earth, it was his duty to remind them with his energy and intent that he had dominion over them. He enjoyed spending time with them. Eve fancied her walks in the garden and doing her part to care for the animals too. She would give her energy to the plants and animals to sustain their vibrancy. All was as it should be. Until one day when Eve heard a faint melody.

It was the most magnificent and hypnotizing song she had ever heard! Although not by his side, she expressed her delight to Adam through their shared spirit: He had heard it too. They revelled in their joy and glorified God for what they thought He had gifted them. Adam simply returned to his duty, enjoying the peace it brought him. Eve on the other hand, felt her emotions bubble up and she started to dance. As she bounded, twirled and hummed along, she sensed the song getting louder. “Strange,” she thought. For a song from the Father would emanate throughout and within the garden. This song seemed to be coming from one spot. Her curiosity spiked and she followed it. Alas, she came to the center of the garden and froze. She looked upon the lush tree, towering in front of her. Her world began to blur yet the tree remained a crisp vision before her.

“Where is Adam?” Eve looked around to where the voice came from. It wasn’t the Father or Michael’s voice, she knew that… but who else could it be? Her eyes centered on a beautiful winged creature. She had never seen anything like it anywhere in the garden: Adam had not yet named this exquisite thing. She reached out to touch it when it spoke again, “Is Adam not with you?” It could talk!! This indeed was marvelous: None of the other animals could speak! She stepped back, suddenly realizing that this tree… this was the forbidden tree! She stumbled on her words, “Of course. He is always with me.”

“Yes, of course he is, Father would not have made it any other way.”

“Father? What do you mean? You are merely a creature. I did not know you called Him Father.”

“My dear, there is so much you don’t know.” Then with a quick transition to another subject, he divulged, “You know, you have such a lovely spirit about you. I can tell you are the apple of Adam’s eye.”

“Peace to you fair creature,” she blushed, a sensation she had never experienced before. She thought of Adam and sent him a message of love. “But,” she added, “What do you mean, ‘there is so much we don’t know’? Father and Michael walk and talk with us often, as a matter of fact, we will commune with them soon. I shall tell them about your kindness.”

“Oh no, no,” the creature retorted, “That is not necessary. They know already. Actually, they have always known but have not told you.”

“Told me what? They must have good reason not to if they haven’t,” she tried to defend her Creators, but the curiosity was insurmountable. The creature slithered around one of the pieces of fruit that hung low on a branch, the weight of him pulling it down closer to her reach.

“Oh, I shouldn’t say,” he began, “but it’s just not fair that you don’t know.” He paused. “Alright… look around, listen, touch, all these things you sense, but you cannot fully appreciate them. Father has made it so you cannot truly experience the beauty that surrounds you.”

“That doesn’t make sense, Father loves us and has given us everything!”

“No my dear, he hasn’t. There is a whole world out there beyond these garden walls. Here let me show you.” He slithered down around her arm and as he touched her, she was immediately entranced in a vision of another world, unlike her garden, she felt unusual sensations of what we know to be hot and damp. There was lush foliage and giant animals roaming the land. When she came out of that state, she was baffled: Why wouldn’t Father tell us about this? Why was he hiding it from us? Again, she stepped away from the tree, now a heaviness weighed her down and the inside of her head began to spin with conversations that had not been had.

“I must go.” She was scared but she didn’t know to call it that. She tried to contact Adam but her telepathy was somehow blocked by the chaos in her head. She felt very… alone. She needed to find Adam so she turned to go, but the creature was still wrapped around her arm. It squeezed, “Wait! I mean, please don’t go my fair and lovely woman. It will not harm you. I know these feelings are new, but I am here with you. Please. Tell me, what do you feel?” She relaxed in the moment her eyes met the creatures. They were mesmerizing and they made her powerless against his will. “There you go. Find comfort in me. I will protect you. They have withheld the truth from you, but I would never do that.” He loved her attention. He loved that she became putty of his desires. His plan was working. “You want to know more, don’t you?” She nodded, her gaze still locked on his; for this is the only comfort she felt in this isolation. “Father told you not to eat of this tree because he didn’t want you to know. Here,” he pulled the fruit down once more and motioned for her to pick it. “This fruit will take you on a journey to explore all of the unknown. Once you eat it, Father and Michael cannot hide the truth from you anymore. You shall be like them: You were created in Their image, so now you will have the complete compendium of understanding. Don’t worry, taste it, I will be here for you.” He had entranced her as a way to entice her toward a desire for more, but he knew it had to be her choice to eat of the fruit. So he lifted his spell and her senses went back to the way it had always been. She looked around, listened, and touched, but it felt different. It was less pleasurable to give her energy to the plants and animals, she felt she needed to preserve it for herself because she wanted to get back on the ride and giving it away would make her feel empty. She considered asking Adam but she feared he wouldn’t understand because he hadn’t experienced what she had experienced. She needed to know more.

Oh, it was the most delicious fruit that had ever touched her lips. Slowly, the reality of what had been unknown unfolded in another trance-like vision. It began in her present moment and proceeded to rewind into a hierarchy of events. She again saw the world outside the garden and the angel that protected the gates. She saw the brilliance of the union with Adam and the family that was formed when they were created. She saw the other worlds and the trees that tested them too. Then, she saw it: Lucifer’s rebellion. She felt the jealousy and envy toward Michael that had filled his heart. She felt the pain of the Father when He had to banish His son. A breeze swirled past her body and she sensed its coolness. Her heart pounded as if ready to burst. “Creature are you here?” She begged for his comfort, but he was no where to be found. The tree looked darker and cast a shadow on where she stood. The moment of time… began.

Adam came running toward her, “Eve, my love, here you are! I couldn’t sense you: Something is wrong! My love, your body is bare!” She broke down sobbing with shame for having left his spiritual presence to journey with the creature. When he held her and their bodies touched, he too felt bare and in looking down saw that he was naked. “Don’t worry, I am here.” Those words, a comfort before, became a thorn in her heart. Her trust in the creature had been betrayed and now she could not bring herself to trust anyone, not herself, not Adam. She held him tighter so that he couldn’t leave her. “Come with me, love.” He already felt the changes because when she pierced the fruit, he too ingested its poison. “See what I have seen.” He loved her with his entire soul and could not imagine existence without her, so he too bit into the fruit.

At that moment, a loud thunderous earthquake rattled the earth and split not only the ground but also their consciousness. Unity became dualism. The spirit of the flame was broken into two. They felt the darkness and yes, it brightened the light, but it also pushed it farther away from their experience. “We must tell Father,” Eve confessed, she now knew that the creature had deceived her. “I didn’t think that you would understand but you did: Father too will understand.” But Adam’s ego had already taken hold, “He won’t understand, we must hide this from him, like He hid it from us. I am here with you. Isn’t that enough?” Her love for him was so great that she couldn’t go against his wishes despite feeling it to be wrong. She would follow him as he had followed her. The intensity of their love came from the divine love, yet now they could not be in the presence of such purity and perfection: It was scary and their shame told them they were not worthy, so they began to chase and run from the intensity of that divine love.

“Adam? Where are you? I couldn’t sense you: Something is wrong!” The words rang in Adam’s ears like an echo of when he sought his beloved Eve. He grabbed Eve’s hand and ran to hide, but he knew that he could not hide from his omniscient Father. “Here we are.” He bowed his head in shame so that he would not meet the eyes of his Creator. He listened to their story and how the beautiful creature had seduced Eve to serpentine their pure and perfect course. This troubled the Father, but because He was indeed a just and loving parent, he could not let their disobedience go without consequence. So, with a tear streaming down to his fingertip, he pointed to the gate, “I love you son, but you must go.”

And so He waits: He waits for all of His children- including Lucifer- to return to the unity of His love, to accept the order and birthright, and to reject dualism in their hearts and minds. He waits for these Love stories to play out happy endings.

Lucifer continues to sing from the depressed, angry, and lonely hearts of the people, but he longs for his place on the left hand of the Father… but his pride and hurt have made the barrier too thick: The wall of his heart is too high. Just as he cries out in melodies and harmonies, so too do the Children of Light who burn as One Flame exude the inspired love that fills their hearts in hopes to right our course: “Imagine there’s no heaven. It’s easy if you try. No hell below us. Above us only sky. Imagine all the people. Living for today… Living life in peace… Sharing all the world… You may say I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will be as One” (Need I reference it? Or do we all know them?).

Imagine the dualism disappears into unity once more. Imagine we live for love in the moment rather than what we will be rewarded or denied in the end. Living in trust. Sharing One spirit in Tao where our love exists as a single flame rather than two. The Father sent His Son to take our place and pay for our transgressions so that we would continue to live and love within the divine connection- so that His Begotten Son could be that bridge or connection between the Father and His beloved children: So that we again could be as One… Family.

How will you continue in this love story?

Yes, it’s lonely.

I don’t think about it too much. I don’t dwell on it like I used to. But it doesn’t mean it isn’t there… under my smile.

Today, I visited “me mum” and did some bodywork on her. She was curious about my technique during each phase and modality. Then I explained my process in Jin Shin, a form that reduces energetic blockages and improves the energetic flow in the meridians:

“Most people don’t feel anything and so they don’t prefer this method. But if you attune to what is happening in your body, you will find that it speaks to you through random thoughts or sensations.” She began to disclose the thoughts and sensations that came up for her.

“Well, how do you know when to move on to the next spot,” she asked.

“Actually, most practitioners don’t even feel anything. Our teacher told others to just move on after a minute. But because I feel so much more, and have the faith that they will synchronize, I am able to stay longer until they do. There are nine levels in the body and I feel four of them… that is why my teachers thought I was so gifted.” [Mind you, I am usually very humble and don’t like to feed the ego, but I always feel like I have to validate my claim to feeling what I feel by stating that “even my teachers” believed me. Yet, with my mom, I was simply reminding her of that time of my life… like, “remember, you know, the class where the teacher thought I was special?”].

“You sure are, so what do you feel?”

“It’s kind of funny. I actually hear with my fingertips. I feel it, but I register it as sound. The body speaks to me. It’s a playful process. Let’s take these two points [holding them on her]. The first one was really jumpy with sharp pulsing. The other one had a slightly fuller pulsation. Now they have both disappeared. They went deeper- to a deeper level.” [After some time] “Here they are. They’ve resurfaced. This time, both have a fuller, more rounded pulsation that is synchronized. That is when I know to move on.”

“What if they don’t synchronize?”

“Well, like this next one, seems to be stuck. I can tell the energy is blocked. I feel the pulsation in the other one still- it is actually quite strong. So I ease off that spot to allow this blocked one to have a voice. Then I encourage it with my thoughts to rise up and speak to me. I use my breath to pull energy from the heavens and earth… Then send it to that point to empower it. There it is… It’s quiet at first, but then both are equally strong and synced.”

“Do you ever get lonely living in a different dimension where most people don’t understand what you experience?” She was sincere in her question, but it was unexpected. Yet, I didn’t have to think about the answer to that one and just smiled and nodded, “yes.”

“Do you have anybody that you can talk to or share this part with?” Again, I just nodded, “no.”

“I do read blogs of others who believe in energies, synchronicities, extraordinary relationships, but I don’t have real people that experience or interact with the world the same way I do.”

Later I drove home and felt the loneliness creak into my soul. I have friends, but they don’t understand or even know about who I really am. And when I do show them this side, they just think I’m eccentric. Nobody really shares this with me. So yeah, this part of me gets really lonely. I don’t mean to sound like I am having this pity party, “Oh bother, lost my tail again.” I just needed to put a voice to this pain before I set it free.

Today, was a harsh reminder how I am an island. But aren’t we all? Until we invite others into our domain- onto our lonely terrain? Welcoming those who row their boat ashore? Please… allow me to give you a tour!

[Before I left, Ani DiFranco came on the Folk station we were playing. I thought, “When I write about this moment, it shall be to Ani DiFranco”…

And so it was.]