The Light

It’s been a very long time since I have been inspired to write. Perhaps it was the pressures of school or the lack of social intrigue. Yet here I am again with thoughts in my head spinning like a whirlpool hungry to swallow pieces of emotional debris that is hoping to escape onto the page so that my heart-mind connection can resume its peaceful flow.

My omission was not of ill-intent but an attempt to avoid diving into the subject before I was able to process my internal experience. The words spoken: “God gave me permission to leave and told me to go home to my parents…” The words unspoken: “He also told me to Remember My Mirrors.”

Mirrors, mirrors, what are my mirrors! This term haunts me. When it was warped, it morphed the shape of my identity. When it was broken, it sliced my soul. Yet, I could still see myself clearly beneath the wounds… I could still see specks of who I truly am within them. “Remember my mirrors.” HA! Yes, mirrors have been overcoming and seeing my strength, but they’ve also been deep pain. Because they’ve been the reflection of my darkest parts for so long, I began to assume that was their only role: To expose my “stuckness” and to force me to face my demons. I am grateful for those mirrors. I love who I am, but I have been challenged to shift my experience of what it means to remember my mirrors.

I stand before this mirror with hope, with faith unseen. I dance in front of this mirror without shame. I make silly faces and see it making them back at me. I don’t have to search for the real me through shards or bumps in its surface. But the point is… I can see. The rawness. The nakedness. The hesitation but assurance. The peaceful excitement. The sameness in our differences. The freedom in control. Joy.

This is a different mirror than anything I’ve seen. But I know exactly why…

A spotlight shines on its wholeness.

… That your joy may be full. He is the light and in Him is no darkness…. (1 John 1)

“And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them” (Isaiah 42).

I have spent years looking into broken mirrors. I hadn’t known the purity of my reflection because I was standing in the dark.

“But the path of the just is as a shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.” “Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: Love her, and she shall keep thee… Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: She shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her. She shall give to thine head an ornament of grace: A crown of glory shall she deliver to thee… Take fast hold of instruction; let her not go: Keep her, for she is thy life.” (Proverbs 4).

I had been given the opportunity to selfishly examine my values and identity in those mirrors of the past. But with the light I see that I have been given the gift and honor is being a different kind of reflection of another… of a God-fearing man who has the capacity to wear his heart on his sleeve and the courage to shine.

Amen.

Advertisement

Dear Lord,

Thank You for the reminders to let go of those things that do not help me to grow and prosper in Your Love. Thank You for supplying all my needs in abundance. I trust that You have my best interest at heart and would not limit my future but continue to fill my life with blessed gifts.

There is so much beauty that You have given the world yet we get trapped in our minds with worry, shame, and regret. But there is no need for that! So instead, I worship, praise, and focus my gaze toward You!

You created the sunlight that reflects off the leaves… and You control the wind that tickles the branches. You gave the lizards and birds the instinct to fill their bellies and dance for a lover. You taught patience, forgiveness, and charity. You placed each star in the night sky and breathed life into those I love.

Thank you for the richness in life.

The Love Stories

Once upon a time… that’s how these love stories are suppose to begin, right? Because, yes, this is a multi-level love story. It begins with a Father… and His Son, whose name was Michael. I can’t tell you when this tale begins, but I can tell you where… Beyond the reaches of our human curiosity and potential.

Now any parent can tell you that it is quite difficult to put to words the love they have for their child. You’d just have to see it in action. And that is exactly what happened in the beginning of our love story. Words cannot give justice to the peace, security, and joy that exuded from this Father and Son. But it was palpable to all who gazed upon them together. However, not everyone liked the exclusivity of their relationship.

There was one- Lucifer, another son, but who was not born of the Father- who felt that he should be loved as much as the biological Son and should have these bonding moments with the Father too. You see… Lucifer was the most beautiful angel whose voice could soften diamonds. His music resonated through timelessness and space to connect all of Heaven in glorifying God. Yet, he wanted his father’s adoration to be at the same level as His love for Michael. He felt that although he was not a biological son, he was still a son! He was esteemed as the highest created being, above all others, except for Michael… But it wasn’t enough. The envy and jealousy grew! He soon began his greatest song composed of his comradery with other angels in rebellion against this injustice in love. This saddened the Father and He tried to love an explanation to Lucifer, but his heart had been hardened already. His hurt had turned to anger and when he was about to lash out against his dad, his Father- with a tear streaming down to his fingertip- pointed to the gates. “I love you son, but you must go.”

But where would he go, you might wonder. What was outside those Heavenly Gates? “Be kind, Rewind” just a moment…

Michael and his Father were together, always, and one of their favorite past times was to work together to create things: Worlds to be exact. They loved each one, for each world was perfect. Now they didn’t just create and then abandon them. They maintained a close relationship which each world. They would invite the ambassadors from these worlds to Heaven for a little pow-wow of “How are things going?” It was always the same response, “Wonderful Father, Glory be Your Name!” and Lucifer’s choir would rejoice, sending vibrations of pure love throughout the multiverse. One day, Michael sighed, “Dad, I have an idea. Let’s create one more world…. But this one will be different…. Hear me out, let’s make them in Our image! It will be amazing! We’ll walk and talk with them and they will love being apart of this family. What do you say?” So they began their quest in making the most epic masterpiece of all… Earth. They worked tirelessly everyday so that each aspect would be precise and each detail would be “just right.” On the seventh day, when they were complete, they stood back and smiled. It was beautiful! Their hearts filled with pride and joy, for this world was the manifestation of their love for each other and an extension of their family.

When Lucifer perceived that their love for this new world seemed to surpass the love they had for him, it was the moment his heart finally froze and shattered into pieces.

At least two new love stories begin in this new world: The love between heaven and humanity and the love of the first twin flames. Adam and Eve were unique from other beings because of their connection with each other. In the other worlds, the beings were created separately and without a familial bond. However, she came from him: “Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.” They were a single flame living in multiple dimensions, which meant they loved unconditionally, were in union with Tao or the Great Spirit, and manifested their wants and desires. They would walk and talk daily with the Father and Michael, whose divine and unconditional love was the fuel to their flame. But the Father knew that true love came with trust and a choice. So he had tested each world with a command, if they loved him in return, they would trust him, thus follow his directive. He placed two trees in their garden. One that would give them eternal life. Another that would ban them from eternity. He told them not to go near or eat of the second tree. He did not tell them that it would separate them from Him because He wanted them to simply trust that He loved and protected them.

Michael enjoyed watching the dynamic between Adam and Eve. Adam was attentive and she would respond in kind. When they gazed into each others eyes, it was as if the world stood still and they could communicate without uttering a word. They trusted and loved each other as if the other were Oneself. Even during physical distance, they were always together in the dimensions that disallow the separation of spirit. This timeless love encompassed the whole of their garden as a warm protective light and nothing could sever their love… Or so they thought.

As the other created beings from all the worlds would visit heaven for Counsel, so too did Adam. He represented this new world and came to glorify God. Yet, during each visit, he felt uncomfortable, as if someone were glaring at him. He wasn’t just imagining it. Lucifer had his contemplative eye on that which Michael loved, plotting to pull them away from Him. He wanted to hurt Michael as much as he was hurt by His place on the right of Father. He wanted the other beings to honor him instead. But how… How could he make loyal creatures betray their Creator and follow him? He finally knew how he’d do it! He practiced first on other angels in Heaven, gaining their loyalty to follow him “when the time comes.” When he saw Adam as the representative for Earth, he knew it was his window, so he lashed out against the Father, who banished him. In Lucifer’s mind, it was the first phase of Project Prince of Earth, where he would be loved above all else!

Once he and his brigade fell to earth, they set up camp outside the boundaries of Eden. In order for his plan to work, he needed to perfect his powers on earth. Time did not exist within the garden so he wasn’t in a rush, he strove for perfection rather than progress. Lucifer was at a disadvantage because although he could manipulate energy, he could not create from nothing. So he spent millennia taking “that which was already there and living” and attempted to mold his own beings, but they never had the intellect, emotional maturity, and energetic power of that despised flame union. They couldn’t, because they weren’t created in the image of God nor did they have the pure love from His breath for their life. Lucifer even tried using angelic DNA to spark the intellect and power of the Neanderthals but he couldn’t come close to the perfection that the Father and Michael had created. When he became frustrated, he’d fly to the top of the highest mountain to contemplate his next move. He’d orchestrate a symphony from the wind as a way to clear his mind. When his song was over, he thought, “If only they had knowledge of how wonderful I am, they’d love me too.” Suddenly it dawned on him, “That’s it! Knowledge.”

Lucifer knew he had to make them aware of the whole story: The good and the bad! They knew about Heaven since Adam had travelled there for Counsel and they knew about all things in the garden… But they weren’t aware of the whole world outside their “bubble.” Adam hadn’t been to Counsel since Lucifer’s rebellion so they weren’t privy to his demise. From his perspective, God was “unjust and unfair” and the other created beings needed to know it. If he could make them see that their beloved Father didn’t love them as much as they thought he did, then they would know that he was right and worthy of their love!

So he travelled to the east where he met his brother Uriel. “I’ve come to speak with Adam, let me in Brother.” But when Uriel closed his eyes, Lucifer felt the message of God speak to his shattered heart: “My son, you have betrayed me. But I love you still. You may not walk upon the grounds of this Holy place, but there is one place that I will allow you to go: The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.” And so he changed his form to the most beautiful creature: A magnificent winged serpent with colors that dazzled in the sunlight. This would surely get the attention of Adam.

There came a time when Adam was naming the animals. As the steward of the earth, it was his duty to remind them with his energy and intent that he had dominion over them. He enjoyed spending time with them. Eve fancied her walks in the garden and doing her part to care for the animals too. She would give her energy to the plants and animals to sustain their vibrancy. All was as it should be. Until one day when Eve heard a faint melody.

It was the most magnificent and hypnotizing song she had ever heard! Although not by his side, she expressed her delight to Adam through their shared spirit: He had heard it too. They revelled in their joy and glorified God for what they thought He had gifted them. Adam simply returned to his duty, enjoying the peace it brought him. Eve on the other hand, felt her emotions bubble up and she started to dance. As she bounded, twirled and hummed along, she sensed the song getting louder. “Strange,” she thought. For a song from the Father would emanate throughout and within the garden. This song seemed to be coming from one spot. Her curiosity spiked and she followed it. Alas, she came to the center of the garden and froze. She looked upon the lush tree, towering in front of her. Her world began to blur yet the tree remained a crisp vision before her.

“Where is Adam?” Eve looked around to where the voice came from. It wasn’t the Father or Michael’s voice, she knew that… but who else could it be? Her eyes centered on a beautiful winged creature. She had never seen anything like it anywhere in the garden: Adam had not yet named this exquisite thing. She reached out to touch it when it spoke again, “Is Adam not with you?” It could talk!! This indeed was marvelous: None of the other animals could speak! She stepped back, suddenly realizing that this tree… this was the forbidden tree! She stumbled on her words, “Of course. He is always with me.”

“Yes, of course he is, Father would not have made it any other way.”

“Father? What do you mean? You are merely a creature. I did not know you called Him Father.”

“My dear, there is so much you don’t know.” Then with a quick transition to another subject, he divulged, “You know, you have such a lovely spirit about you. I can tell you are the apple of Adam’s eye.”

“Peace to you fair creature,” she blushed, a sensation she had never experienced before. She thought of Adam and sent him a message of love. “But,” she added, “What do you mean, ‘there is so much we don’t know’? Father and Michael walk and talk with us often, as a matter of fact, we will commune with them soon. I shall tell them about your kindness.”

“Oh no, no,” the creature retorted, “That is not necessary. They know already. Actually, they have always known but have not told you.”

“Told me what? They must have good reason not to if they haven’t,” she tried to defend her Creators, but the curiosity was insurmountable. The creature slithered around one of the pieces of fruit that hung low on a branch, the weight of him pulling it down closer to her reach.

“Oh, I shouldn’t say,” he began, “but it’s just not fair that you don’t know.” He paused. “Alright… look around, listen, touch, all these things you sense, but you cannot fully appreciate them. Father has made it so you cannot truly experience the beauty that surrounds you.”

“That doesn’t make sense, Father loves us and has given us everything!”

“No my dear, he hasn’t. There is a whole world out there beyond these garden walls. Here let me show you.” He slithered down around her arm and as he touched her, she was immediately entranced in a vision of another world, unlike her garden, she felt unusual sensations of what we know to be hot and damp. There was lush foliage and giant animals roaming the land. When she came out of that state, she was baffled: Why wouldn’t Father tell us about this? Why was he hiding it from us? Again, she stepped away from the tree, now a heaviness weighed her down and the inside of her head began to spin with conversations that had not been had.

“I must go.” She was scared but she didn’t know to call it that. She tried to contact Adam but her telepathy was somehow blocked by the chaos in her head. She felt very… alone. She needed to find Adam so she turned to go, but the creature was still wrapped around her arm. It squeezed, “Wait! I mean, please don’t go my fair and lovely woman. It will not harm you. I know these feelings are new, but I am here with you. Please. Tell me, what do you feel?” She relaxed in the moment her eyes met the creatures. They were mesmerizing and they made her powerless against his will. “There you go. Find comfort in me. I will protect you. They have withheld the truth from you, but I would never do that.” He loved her attention. He loved that she became putty of his desires. His plan was working. “You want to know more, don’t you?” She nodded, her gaze still locked on his; for this is the only comfort she felt in this isolation. “Father told you not to eat of this tree because he didn’t want you to know. Here,” he pulled the fruit down once more and motioned for her to pick it. “This fruit will take you on a journey to explore all of the unknown. Once you eat it, Father and Michael cannot hide the truth from you anymore. You shall be like them: You were created in Their image, so now you will have the complete compendium of understanding. Don’t worry, taste it, I will be here for you.” He had entranced her as a way to entice her toward a desire for more, but he knew it had to be her choice to eat of the fruit. So he lifted his spell and her senses went back to the way it had always been. She looked around, listened, and touched, but it felt different. It was less pleasurable to give her energy to the plants and animals, she felt she needed to preserve it for herself because she wanted to get back on the ride and giving it away would make her feel empty. She considered asking Adam but she feared he wouldn’t understand because he hadn’t experienced what she had experienced. She needed to know more.

Oh, it was the most delicious fruit that had ever touched her lips. Slowly, the reality of what had been unknown unfolded in another trance-like vision. It began in her present moment and proceeded to rewind into a hierarchy of events. She again saw the world outside the garden and the angel that protected the gates. She saw the brilliance of the union with Adam and the family that was formed when they were created. She saw the other worlds and the trees that tested them too. Then, she saw it: Lucifer’s rebellion. She felt the jealousy and envy toward Michael that had filled his heart. She felt the pain of the Father when He had to banish His son. A breeze swirled past her body and she sensed its coolness. Her heart pounded as if ready to burst. “Creature are you here?” She begged for his comfort, but he was no where to be found. The tree looked darker and cast a shadow on where she stood. The moment of time… began.

Adam came running toward her, “Eve, my love, here you are! I couldn’t sense you: Something is wrong! My love, your body is bare!” She broke down sobbing with shame for having left his spiritual presence to journey with the creature. When he held her and their bodies touched, he too felt bare and in looking down saw that he was naked. “Don’t worry, I am here.” Those words, a comfort before, became a thorn in her heart. Her trust in the creature had been betrayed and now she could not bring herself to trust anyone, not herself, not Adam. She held him tighter so that he couldn’t leave her. “Come with me, love.” He already felt the changes because when she pierced the fruit, he too ingested its poison. “See what I have seen.” He loved her with his entire soul and could not imagine existence without her, so he too bit into the fruit.

At that moment, a loud thunderous earthquake rattled the earth and split not only the ground but also their consciousness. Unity became dualism. The spirit of the flame was broken into two. They felt the darkness and yes, it brightened the light, but it also pushed it farther away from their experience. “We must tell Father,” Eve confessed, she now knew that the creature had deceived her. “I didn’t think that you would understand but you did: Father too will understand.” But Adam’s ego had already taken hold, “He won’t understand, we must hide this from him, like He hid it from us. I am here with you. Isn’t that enough?” Her love for him was so great that she couldn’t go against his wishes despite feeling it to be wrong. She would follow him as he had followed her. The intensity of their love came from the divine love, yet now they could not be in the presence of such purity and perfection: It was scary and their shame told them they were not worthy, so they began to chase and run from the intensity of that divine love.

“Adam? Where are you? I couldn’t sense you: Something is wrong!” The words rang in Adam’s ears like an echo of when he sought his beloved Eve. He grabbed Eve’s hand and ran to hide, but he knew that he could not hide from his omniscient Father. “Here we are.” He bowed his head in shame so that he would not meet the eyes of his Creator. He listened to their story and how the beautiful creature had seduced Eve to serpentine their pure and perfect course. This troubled the Father, but because He was indeed a just and loving parent, he could not let their disobedience go without consequence. So, with a tear streaming down to his fingertip, he pointed to the gate, “I love you son, but you must go.”

And so He waits: He waits for all of His children- including Lucifer- to return to the unity of His love, to accept the order and birthright, and to reject dualism in their hearts and minds. He waits for these Love stories to play out happy endings.

Lucifer continues to sing from the depressed, angry, and lonely hearts of the people, but he longs for his place on the left hand of the Father… but his pride and hurt have made the barrier too thick: The wall of his heart is too high. Just as he cries out in melodies and harmonies, so too do the Children of Light who burn as One Flame exude the inspired love that fills their hearts in hopes to right our course: “Imagine there’s no heaven. It’s easy if you try. No hell below us. Above us only sky. Imagine all the people. Living for today… Living life in peace… Sharing all the world… You may say I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will be as One” (Need I reference it? Or do we all know?).

Imagine the dualism disappears into unity once more. Imagine we live for love in the moment rather than what we will be rewarded or denied in the end. Living in trust. Sharing One spirit in Tao where our love exists as a single flame rather than two. The Father sent His Son to take our place and pay for our transgressions so that we would continue to live and love within the divine connection- so that His Begotten Son could be that bridge or connection between the Father and His beloved children: So that we again could be as One… Family. Represented by Michael… in Heaven.

How will you continue in this love story?

Be & Go

Be. Thoughtful: Notice how someone else is feeling during this time.

Go. Lend a hand to those you care about as well as those in need.

Be. Okay: Solitude can be a blessing, especially when “solitude” means the family unit.

Go. Within in quietude so that you can listen to God.

Be. Appreciated: Accept that you are a beautiful creature with unique gifts.

Go. Bask in your blessings and the glory of God’s Love.

And now I’m the crier:

I’ve been thinking of this hype. I avoid my friends, not because the CDC recommends it, but because many have been the criers, “Prepare!! Prepare!!” They speak of worldly preparations. It’s good to prepare, but the energy behind it is unsettling, ridden with anxiety. The world has too much of that already.

So… I keep my distance so that I don’t take on that energy. What they don’t realize is that I have been long prepared in ways they do not know… I speak of our spiritual preparations. I suppose that is a fault of mine that they don’t know the depths of my relationship with God. Oh yes, they know the surface, but not the daily walk and intimate conversations. It enables me to have a profound peace and complete trust in Him.

I thought this morning: If we look at it from a Traditional Chinese Medical viewpoint (or Taoist view)… it is a virus affecting the lungs…. our “taking in.”

So I ask myself “Am I taking in… the spirit of God and Christ or… the virus?”

Peace, Love, and Trust be with you today and every day!

Maybe There Is No God

I’ve just grown up knowing that God was there.

That His Grace and Love are everywhere.

I want to believe that He leads my way,

That it’s not just a random sort-of-day.

But then all the connections I have felt with people, places, and things,

Turn out to be only my imaginings.

Maybe the One I pray to is just in my mind

Maybe He doesn’t exist since He’s so hard to find.

Because those beliefs that He tells me to hold true

Never work out… They never do.

So perhaps that’s why he doesn’t love me

Perhaps that’s why someone else is buying that property.

Because none of it is real, it’s all in my head.

But I guess I’ll have these delusions ’til I’m dead.

My hope feels lost if it’s all just chance.

There’s no divine plan, it’s all just happenstance.

I just want to disappear – get away from everyone.

Fuck it all: If connections aren’t real then I’m done.

The Mourning Doves

Contrary to the name, the mourning dove- or “turtle doves” as the Christmas carolers call them- represent hope, peace and renewal when one is faced with loss. During a struggle today, I fervently prayed God send me a sign as to why He wants me to keep a faith in “that which the world tells me is impossible.” As I looked up from my praying position, I immediately spotted two mourning doves resting and tending to their feathers on the fence post at the back of the yard. Their presence actually startled me for a moment. I didn’t know what they meant at the time, but I knew with certainty that God was speaking to me through these spirit animals.

Through the doves, He said, “Despite your sorrow and the torment this process brings, trust in Me. Have peace in that I care for you and have a plan for you. Keep that hope and faith in things unseen.”

Amen.