A Chat with My Old Friends

What’s the harm in trusting that someone loves me? I mean really? Why can’t I do it? Is it the fear that his love will be ripped out from beneath me when I least expect it? Am I terrified that he will change his mind on a whim or when a pretty young thing waltzes by giving him “the look”? Does it have to do with my self-confidence? Or his worthiness of my trust? Is it that I really don’t trust myself or is it that I can’t trust someone else? Let’s ask our buddy Pascal: What are your thoughts?

“Well, if the romantic does not trust her partner and her partner loves her, then she sabotages possible bliss, but if he doesn’t love her, then she dodges a bullet. If the romantic does trust her partner and her partner doesn’t really love her, then she may experience momentary happiness but will soon discover the truth and sorrow will ensue. But, she will get over it. Yet, if she trusts and it turns out that he truly loves her, then their shared love will grow deeper and stronger. And that is not something I would ever want to miss!”

I getcha, it is best to put my money on love! Thanks. But won’t I be made to look silly or be the fool if I openly love him when I’m not sure about his love for me?

“Might I interject, my beloved Arete?” Why yes, Aristotle… It’s so good to hear from you again, gosh, what’s it been? About 2370 years? You haven’t aged a bit! “As I was saying, my beloved, you must put on your crown!” What do you mean? Do you mean think or reason more? “No, no, the crown of Pride: You are a virtuous woman. You could never be the fool when you demonstrate the virtue of self-respect. You must think highly of yourself, you are a queen and should be treated as such.” Oh, yeah. Yeah! I am! Thanks man. And hey, you think when I go to Greece you could give the lowdown on the best local spots for authentic cuisine?

Okay, so the consensus is that it would be better to trust and to uphold my self-respect as being worthy of love! Well, how do I know that he is worthy of my love? I mean, the Bible says not to “give your pearls to swine” so I don’t want to give my adoration to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

“You will know by his character. He will be trustworthy if he follows Me: Is he sincere, honest, reliable? Does he keep his promises? I would never forsake you, does he?” Lord, thank you for leading him.

But people change their minds. What if he changes his mind? “If it is true that he loves you, then heed my wisdom: Love is infinite, eternal. Why is it eternal? It was never born; thus it can never die. Why is it infinite? It has no desires for itself; thus it is present for all beings… let go of yourself and you will be perfectly fulfilled. Open yourself to love, then trust your natural responses; and everything will fall into place.” Woah, Lao Tzu, dude… You just took it to a whole new level.

“J’aime, donc je suis.” Yes! I totally agree. But Descartes, you realize that not everyone here speaks French. Here, let me translate: I love, therefore I am. Love is what makes us come alive: It is the essence of our existence! “Yes, yes, and you must have complete and utter faith in that love or else life is not worth living.” Soren, do we really need to get that dark? hahaha just kidding. You’re right. You know, if I can’t trust love- it’s process, it’s heart ache, it’s joy, then this claim “to love” is only in vain.

“Hope.” Did you say something Erik? “You must resolve this dispute between trust and mistrust so that you build hope. Do you believe that perhaps your mistrust and fear of abandonment may have to do with your early relationship with your mother?” “No, no, zit is her oral fixation. Zat is vhy she gets zo much gratification vfrom ze tasting and sucking.” Woah woah woah Freud, simmer down man that is some personal shit your telling everyone there. Jeese… Erik, I’m sorry. What were you saying?

“I was just getting to the fact that in order to love, you first must know yourself through a well developed identity, which can only be done in the context of our social relationships; therefore, you must get to know others in order to understand who you are. And so that you can know them enough to determine their level of trustworthiness.” I love you Erik. You always know how to bring it back around. hahaha.

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” Ah, thanks Maya.

And thank you to all my old friends, for sharing your wisdom on this issue. Before we go, let me sum it up. So, here’s what I’ve got so far…

I’ve got to know- and exude that I know- my worth! I’ve got to just… Take a leap of faith and trust, maybe not in the person- that will come as love manifests in their character- but, I must trust in love because that is why we exist…. Amen.

Be Love.

Hello world!

Thank you to my friends and family for encouraging me to get this blog “off the ground” and “out of my head.”

[Replacing the words to Billy Ocean’s “Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car:” “Get outta my head, get into my blog… ooohhooohhh”].

When sharing my experiences and observations, I’ll try to keep the tangents to a minimum; however, sometimes, they are so “out there” or lame, that they are pretty funny.  Don’t worry though: I’ll always come back around.  There is a method to this madness.

Authenticity is key; therefore, here is why writing is such a huge part of my life.  Many who know me can attest that I hate crowds.  I hate parties with lots of people.  I do not do well with small talk.  I’m the gal at a party in the kitchen because 1) I just don’t know what to say to people if it isn’t meaningful dialogue, 2) I experience energetic sensory overload, and 3) being “busy” is better than being “antisocial.”  In this perfectly busy life, I don’t often get to sit at a coffee shop for hours discussing the philosophies of life [RIP Ike’s Truck Stop].  I don’t get to meet random people, dominate them in a game of chess, then drive 400 miles on a whim… all while discussing the philosophies of life.  I don’t get to smoke a bowl, listen to my friend jam on the acoustic guitar, and write songs… about the philosophies of life [You know who you are….You are an amazing artist: Follow your dreams!].  With three kids, that life just isn’t practical or safe.  So… in order to maintain my sanity, I must do something a little crazy: Spill it all in a blog.  The safe and practical way for the modern-day philosopher [and working single mom; aka “A boss”] to share the love of ideas and learning.

[Songs that best caption who I am: “I’d Have To Be Crazy” by Willie Nelson and “Wide Open Spaces” by The Dixie Chicks]

Happy blogging!