On My Behalf

Stopped. Not by external forces but the internal knowledge that if I don’t stop myself than the universe will stop me… put me on my knees and have me begging for solace and peace. How long did I think I could sustain this pressure? But when I stop… the thinking creeps in, followed by the deep loneliness that likes to push me down into the darkness… I look out for him so that I can dodge his trickery: “I’m not alone!!!” I yell to him before he’s close enough to shove me down. “I’ve got my dreams to comfort me!” But he still advances to trip me up. “I have freedom how I live. No one will stop me from capturing my desires,” except my old friends Doubt and Fear, but I don’t tell him that. Loneliness smirks in a way that lets me know he’s plotting… planning ways to remind me of lost lovers.

My Heart speaks on my behalf: “Love is free. You just have to accept it.” It’s as if he was reminding me, but then I saw that his intensity was directed toward Loneliness. “You know this! Why do you try to toss her to the lion’s of her mind? Don’t you also know she is protected by a Love greater than any of your threats?”

“I do,” replied Loneliness with a mix of angst and a frog in his throat.

“Then why try?”

“You could never understand!!! Love turned its back on me!! It’s not fair that she should have so much when I have none… But you’re Heart… How could you ever get it? You’re filled to the brim.”

“That’s where you are mistaken my dear misguided Loneliness. I am not filled with love! I AM Love! I am the source, the process, and the product.” Loneliness turned away, ashamed of being in Love’s presence… tears… on the brink of flooding the valley of my soul. Heart approached and placed His hand on his shoulder… “And I… give myself to you freely. Can you accept this gift?”

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