Fighting My Thoughts

Heavy on my bleeding heart. You claim “what’s best for me,” but turn around and tear me apart.

You’ve always got to have the last word as I’m pushing you down. I’m punching the air frantically at someone who’s not around.

Wondering why you never have anything nice to say. You tell me I’m not important. I’m sick of you. I don’t want to live this way.

You say I’m not worth it… my dreams… how I see myself beyond you. I think you’re afraid… that the love I find means your lies aren’t true.

You have no right to keep up this fight.

You are all I have.

I don’t understand why you’re so hurtful. Why you make me feel so hated? You say you’re the best, but truth be told, it seems you’re… well, quite a bit… jaded.

There have been so many times you’ve made me the fool with your tricks- you’re so sly. But no more… I’m done with you… It’s time to say goodbye.

I am not those things you claim so it’s time to let you go. You were never a trusted friend, only my greatest foe.

I’m shoving you back. Let me give you my famous right-hook. Then I’ll stand over you with all the love, joy, and respect you took!

It’s my right to win this fight.

I am all you have!

I Choose You

All on my own- I got it- Hold my hand all along. Babe. I choose you.

They stay away- Fine- Can’t handle you’re mine. Child. Scoobee-doobee-bop-eh-dop-bop-dee. You’re my three.

Nights out on the town- Done- ‘Til your fever is gone. Hun. I choose you.

Sacrifice, compromise, improve – all for your benefit. I never could imagine life without you in it. Baby, you make it sweeter! Protection, commitment, celebration to lift you up through pain. Loving you without condition means fighting for you with no refrain. Darlin’ you’ve got my heart forever!

I may be tussled and wrecked- Okay- But your needs are checked- Sunshine. Skeede-dedaddly-bah-bahpti- You’re my three.

Think twice on that cookie- Stop- Get back to school, no hooky now. Bae. I choose you.

Breathe through the tough parts- 3-2-1- You’re all my sweet tarts. Love. I will always choose you.

Sacrifice, compromise, improve – all for your benefit. I never could imagine life without you in it. Baby, you make it sweeter! Protection, commitment, celebration to lift you up through pain. Loving you without condition means fighting for you with no refrain. Darlin’ you’ve got my heart forever!

The Grasshopper

God speaks to me through spirit animals and the Grasshopper told me to take a leap of faith because…

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” (Neale Donald Walsch).

Did you live your life today?

Wine Time Presumptions

After the first winery, my friends found parking at another. Instead of going round and round searching for a spot, I ditched them for a little “me time.” See… I like to go watch people and take in the aesthetics of the environment and experience. I also like to create the story for what I observe… It doesn’t mean it is accurate… It means… That I like to use my imagination to entertain myself.

Not even a glance at the gorgeous woman- easily 10 years older- but with features in her mid-20s who sat next to them. Rather, he was absorbed in her aloof beauty. She smiled. Even laughed with him. She must be the girlfriend. Yet as their time together continued, she began to turn her body away as he leaned within her bubble. “The bar’s not that loud, she can hear you without this invasion of space,” I felt like informing him. His doting smothered her. He desparately sought her attention in his drunken stooper, until a glowing blond squirrel crossed his path: “Who’s the queen,” he sloppily asked the crowned mother-to-be. She barely addressed him except the nicety to state that she was the expectant mother… Wishing instead that she could denounce his attempts at flirting with a woman whose claim had obviously been staked. He turned back to his first attempt to mask his insecurities. She- relieved at his absence- had continued her conversation with her other- more spatially aware- friends. She smiled. Even laughed sometimes. But her awareness of the number of drinks he’d taken on before this engagement thwarted her desire toward reciprocity. But wait… Another blond woman to wrap her arms around him. The other was finally safe from his advances. Could this new one be the reappearance of the “old one?” Is this the girlfriend?

Beware the stunning woman smirking alone at the bar… She may be making up scenarios about you!

To My Dearest Me. Love, Me.

Just because they don’t love you back

Doesn’t mean you are any less beautiful…

Or any less interesting…

intelligent…

or fun.

It simply means they don’t connect with your awesomeness.

And that’s okay.

No really. That’s okay!

Someone out there will be magnetized to your uniqueness.

The “unknown he” loves you.

So uncover that joy you’ve hidden under fear. Smile again.

Don’t hide your laughter thinking your seriousness makes up for their absence. It justifies nothing.

Letting go doesn’t mean you loved them any less. Letting go doesn’t mean your pain was meaningless. So let. them. go. All of them.

You have picked yourself up each time. You have proved to be stronger in courage and character, more vibrant in knowing yourself, having a greater capacity for simplicity and love! THAT is what matters. Girl, you’ve got this!

Exhale the pain. You don’t need it anymore.

Remember when your mind was clear to allow your body to dance?

Remember why your freedom to “go” invigorated your soul?

Remember how love filled your heart and radiated out your helping hands.

Let’s get back to that.

Let’s get back to Overflowing with joy, love, connection, Spirit.

Let THAT flame burn for all to see and the unknown he will find thee.

Just a little something I was thinking… silly.

Beautiful soul appeasing me

Tell of your secrets so that I may see

What makes you tick? With whose heart do you click? Is seduction, or laughter, or apathy the trick?

Shattered heart confusing thee

Tell of distortions so that I can set you free

What makes you run? With whose mind are you spun? Is the torment you give some sort of fun?

Complex mind intriguing this devotee

Tell of your loops in the mental Grand Prix

What strangles your thoughts like a vine? With whose soul do you entwine? Is that connection divine?

Separation, distance, a disappearing love, moving forward, seeking guidance from above. I don’t want to go, I miss you more than you can know, I want you near always. I don’t want you as my “bro,” I want to be in your flow, I want to know you in all ways.

The Beauty of Mirrors

At times, people treat us in ways that push our buttons, that ignite the rage within… But after we walk away from the aversive situation… And reflect… We begin to accept in ourselves that probably… Most likely… At one time or another… We have treated someone else in that despicable way. So our hearts soften… Because really… We can’t get mad at others for what we too have done.  We can… breathe. We can… take the blame on behalf of all.  We can… Let the adversity go… We can… Claim the power to move forward for the benefit of all. #BeTaoBeLove

Gratitude

Each morning- before the stuffy heat- before the race of the day

When the breeze still delivers its good morning kiss, I sit and pray

But not before making room for my anxious-to-cuddle pet

Wrapped in a throw over quilt made with love for a WWII vet

Cuddling by my open window- enjoying the many diverse leaves

As they dance in the sunlight taunting the hummingbirds and bees

Sipping French pressed “coffee w/ soy” that opens my sleepy eyes

So that I may see the captivating blue of the cloudless skies

A caw aw aw of a crow, the cascading of water on rocks,

The rustle of leaves and dogs I hear barking for blocks

This is the time I attune- to my dreams and daily goals

To letting go of the old self for whom the bell tolls

I am grateful for this quiet time every day

To meditate, center myself, and pray

Thank you Lord.