It’s been a very long time since I have been inspired to write. Perhaps it was the pressures of school or the lack of social intrigue. Yet here I am again with thoughts in my head spinning like a whirlpool hungry to swallow pieces of emotional debris that is hoping to escape onto the page so that my heart-mind connection can resume its peaceful flow.

My omission was not of ill-intent but an attempt to avoid diving into the subject before I was able to process my internal experience. The words spoken: “God gave me permission to leave and told me to go home to my parents…” The words unspoken: “He also told me to Remember My Mirrors.”

Mirrors, mirrors, what are my mirrors! This term haunts me. When it was warped, it morphed the shape of my identity. When it was broken, it sliced my soul. Yet, I could still see myself clearly beneath the wounds… I could still see specks of who I truly am within them. “Remember my mirrors.” HA! Yes, mirrors have been overcoming and seeing my strength, but they’ve also been deep pain. Because they’ve been the reflection of my darkest parts for so long, I began to assume that was their only role: To expose my “stuckness” and to force me to face my demons. I am grateful for those mirrors. I love who I am, but I have been challenged to shift my experience of what it means to remember my mirrors.

I stand before this mirror with hope, with faith unseen. I dance in front of this mirror without shame. I make silly faces and see it making them back at me. I don’t have to search for the real me through shards or bumps in its surface. But the point is… I can see. The rawness. The nakedness. The hesitation but assurance. The peaceful excitement. The sameness in our differences. The freedom in control. Joy.

This is a different mirror than anything I’ve seen. But I know exactly why…

A spotlight shines on its wholeness.

… That your joy may be full. He is the light and in Him is no darkness…. (1 John 1)

“And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them” (Isaiah 42).

I have spent years looking into broken mirrors. I hadn’t known the purity of my reflection because I was standing in the dark.

“But the path of the just is as a shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.” “Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: Love her, and she shall keep thee… Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: She shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her. She shall give to thine head an ornament of grace: A crown of glory shall she deliver to thee… Take fast hold of instruction; let her not go: Keep her, for she is thy life.” (Proverbs 4).

I had been given the opportunity to selfishly examine my values and identity in those mirrors of the past. But with the light I see that I have been given the gift and honor is being a different kind of reflection of another… of a God-fearing man who has the capacity to wear his heart on his sleeve and the courage to shine.

Amen.

Younger Millennial and Generation Z Parenting

July 10, 2019

Preface: I am technically a millennial- even though I can’t even spell the word without looking it up (i.e., Born: 1977- 1994)[1]. My primary language doesn’t include emoticons and I didn’t have immediate gratification via social media that linked me to the entire world. My adolescence and early teens graced me with the benefit of building patience while the dial-up network plugged me into a word-only chat room. As a young adult, I still used a real camera and developed my pictures at the store. When I finally bought a smartphone (i.e., after my first child), I took pictures and videos to post on Facebook so that my friends and long distance family could share in the delight of my children’s developmental milestones; however, I still sought camaraderie with other young parents. We chatted IRL about our struggles, successes, and silent serenity. We weren’t aware of “Mommy Groups,” except those who met at the park in the day or the wine bar at night.

The younger millennial and Gen Z (i.e., Born: 1995-2012; Schroer, n.d.) mommies are lucky and cursed. They are fortunate to have a network of other first-timers or veteran moms to with whom they trek this “uncharted territory” in life. Yet, these Mommy Groups- as I have heard from younger moms- can bring out the competitiveness in woman on such a mass scale that they feel overwhelmed by “What kind of mom they should be.”

A Letter to the Young Millennial and Gen Z Mommas,

Listen up!! Mommy Groups are supports not sideshows. They are fantastic for recommendations and tips. However, once members stop empowering new parents and start passive-aggressively shaming and outdoing other parents, it no longer serves its purpose. If you find yourself overly bragging about your kid, ask yourself, “What am I missing from my own sense of well-being?” If your words make someone feel inadequate because they don’t have a certain [expensive and unnecessary] product, ask yourself, “What am I missing in my life? What do I need to feel whole?” Not only ask yourself these questions but take charge of finding a solution and making self-care a priority! If you cannot look to your momma-sisters and empower them, take a moment to reflect on what you need.

Perhaps you’re exhausted and posting is your only connection to the world. Perhaps you are stressed, and you just can’t find the gumption to give yourself a compliment. Here’s a little secret: Unless you are a cracked-out mess who neglects your child or have abandoned your family for a fling in Vegas, you are the perfect parent… Perfectly Imperfect… You are doing everything right… Except flaunting the “status” of your child on social media to make yourself look good. Don’t mistake this as saying that those videos of first steps and silly slogans coined by your toddler are unwanted… Those are adorable and loved by most friends and family! What I am saying is that new parents must be careful not to put themselves up on a pedestal by the way they portray their child.

To the moms who feel inadequate or “not good enough,”

Do you love your child? Then you are a “perfectly imperfect” mother who is doing an amazing job with your little one. You will make mistakes. Be confident in those mistakes because they lead to growth. We can’t know what is right until we live it. We can’t think about what ifs and do more, more, mores. Make and take time for “no action…” to sit quietly in your own space… without shame. Be mindful of your own need to compete with your support network… Shape your world in a way that makes your dream for your family come true! Never forget that you have the most powerful job in the world!

With love,

Just-Another-Mother-Who-Came-Before…

Final Words: Mothers bear the burden of the world, not only their own but of each “world” or paradigm that a child develops. She is responsible for the way they love, treat others, and the skills they learn toward success or failure. She is responsible for her little man seeking a strong and compassionate woman rather than one who trains him to harden his heart. She is responsible for her girlies feeling whole enough to tolerate only honor and laughter rather than disrespect and tears. Mothers- and some lucky fathers- are guardians of little galaxies in training to be guardians of future galaxies.

So, take care of each other. Encourage and show love to other moms. Let them know that despite feeling ragged and rundown, they have made it one more day as Creator of Life…

[1] (Schroer, n.d.)