When I can’t be with you anymore, will you hold my frail but soft hand?

When I’m scared because I don’t recognize this cold place, will you sing me my favorite songs?

When I forget you, will you remember all I taught you?

When I run out the door, will you take me back in to put on my pants?

When I get angry and snap at you because I’m ashamed for losing control, will you playfully give me shit for forgetting that I love you!

When the tears fill my eyes because I know that you’re losing me, please just pretend you don’t notice so I can be in denial just one more day.

Take me with you when I am gone.

Debrief

With Alzheimer’s disease, the symptoms progressively worsen. I wrote this piece so that time is going backward with more and more opportunities to make memories and share your wisdom.

Today I read my dad’s birth certificate… It stated that his mother- who later had Alzheimer’s disease- had 3 children already when he was born, but six- yes 6!! who were born but died, it made me wonder if trauma and dementia are linked… Sure enough, there is a higher risk for dementia after trauma, especially childhood trauma.

I always thought Gram got it because there was a life of abuse that she wanted to forget. But now I see more events she may not want to remember. You can’t tell me that losing 6 of your full term fetuses or young children doesn’t rip out your soul… no? Oh no? It doesn’t? Well then you my friend… Go feed yourself to an elephant ’cause you’re nuts!

Even if it was “the norm.”

So… long story short… 1) It runs in my family. 2) Childhood trauma with undiagnosed PTSD. 3) A past of repetitive negative thinking. 4) I’m a woman.

My risk is high….

I better write down what I know about life so that those I love can remember me #LeaveALegacy